I loooooove you!

So I've decided that the number of "o's" someone uses when they tell you they "loooove" you is inversely proportional to how much they actually love you.

It's like smiling only without raising your eyebrows, and I am onto you. The abundance of letters does not make up for the dearth of practical, tangible affection. "If I use more letters, it'll read like I actually feel it!" Yes, well, no. That is incorrect. One "o." It's like keeping your promises, doing the things you say you're going to do. If you do it, you don't have to emphatically talk about how you *want* to do it. You just did it. It's done. Doooone.

Speaking of proportions, the blog has been disproportionately silent as of late, especially considering the number of things I've had to blog about. The more that happens, the less I blog. I don't understand this curious phenomenon. You'd think I'd have more to say, but nope. Maybe it's because I should say something about what's going on that I don't say anything.

I am so fascinating sometimes when I talk about me.

Anyways, a lot has happened. I, like you, am ramping up for Christmas. I got all my shopping done early this year, so I've been able to largely avoid the steaming, huddled masses lining counters with their "Santa on a Motorcycle" (there is a reason you don't know who invented this) and those mutant mint-tainted Three Musketeers bars (if you want a reason to be against stem-cell research I find these disgusting things to be a good start). I shopped online this year, which was a curious experience. I spent most of the time ogling things I wanted, even buying one or two (yay MiniDV tape organizer!) before forcing myself to focus on others and pick up a few gifts. I didn't go too crazy this year. I dropped about $400, considerably less than I've dropped on Christmas in the past. I remember one year I dropped over a thousand damn dollars on Christmas and I wasn't even working (I remember this vividly because I am still paying for it three years later -- Merry Christmas, Citibank).

Wal-Mart almost killed it for me, though. The spirit almost died. If the spirit of Christmas was a vampire, Wal-Mart would be the wooden stake (Made in China).

Jessie, for some inexplicable reason known only to the swirling thundercloud of crazy that is her consciousness, decided we should go to Wal-Mart to buy gifts for teachers at her school. I sort of concurred with this plan, despite my relative loathing of Wal-Mart (relative=absolute). The place is synonymous with cheap and dirty and I didn't want Jess to spend much money on people she works with, so the option seemed ideal. That was, of course, until we got *into* the Wal-Mart, which apparently around Christmas becomes a third-world refugee camp stuffed with barely clothed children running and screaming, women hauling large baskets full of colorful, worthless items, men in roving rape bands moving through the isles, and people in bland outfits ringing them through with procedural dullness. It was like "Hotel Rwanda" with a frozen food aisle. And there we were, amidst the swirling darkness, clawing desperately for "candy bags" and M&M ornaments, when I felt Christmas slipping away, being replaced by a bitter, hard, angry voice that said, "What is all this bullshit anyways?"

Came this close to losing Christmas. Fortunately we left without buying anything (the lines for the registers would have embarrassed a DMV agent) and so escaped with our souls intact. But only just barely.

This past Wednesday was the company party. This was actually an amazing time. It was the perfect opportunity to test out my latest Conversation Obliterators(TM). I may be losing my hair, but I still possess a superhuman ability to awkwardly end a conversation. Jess howled at the four times it happened - some loosely-assembled group and I would be making inane conversation about what we all "do" (son of a BITCH) and suddenly out of nowhere I would drop some unrelated clunker in there that would send people running. I must do it subconsciously out of bored desperation. I think I actually told people that Jess and I have to drive our recyclables to the recycling center, unlike everyone else in Alexandria who gets theirs picked up with the trash, and how that made us good people. Conversation: Obliterated.

We spent the weekend in New York City with Markimus. At one point I think I gallivanted. I can't be sure. We had a great time, as always. High points included walking around Rockefeller Center on Saturday night, exploring St. Patrick's Cathedral (which is straight out of an amazing fantasy book... my god, the ceilings!), seeing the light show, ogling the tree. That we did it in a literal herd of people only made it more fun. Exhausting, but fun. On Sunday we saw "Wintuk," a Cirque du Soleil show at Madison Square Garden. It was great - definitely whet my appetite for one of the Vegas shows. It also made me feel incredibly lazy, because I pay to watch people in better shape than me do things that I can't. Like, for instance, spin four hula-hoops around myself. Where do you practice something like that?

So, a random time. It's been a good week. I am so excited for Christmas. Work has been crazy - had to deliver a 100-page, 8,400 word module today which was a HUGE accomplishment - but it's going to simmer down. My plans for the holidays?

1. See friends.
2. See family.
3. Watch my nieces and nephews open their gifts.
4. Buy cigars to smoke with Mark.
5. Epic Risk game.
6. Complete video Christmas card to my grandparents.
7. Color-time with Dave.
8. Do Christmas stuff with Jess.
9. Caroling with the Wildfires.
10. Relax, write, and eat cookies.

Talk to you soon, Dear Reader. I loooooove you!!!

Martin