Makes You Want an Amstel Light

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Okay, so I've been thinking about the fact that women don't have hair on their feet. Now, normally, I don't mind the biological differences between men and women. We don't have to have to squeeze a watermelon out of a quarter, don't have to bleed every month for 25 years, don't have to put on make-up or bind our feet in pointy shoes. And yet, tonight, as I was pulling off my socks, I realized that women do not have hair on their feet.

Now, I have hair on my feet. I am a man. I have hair in places God put hair, including my feet and my back (not too much, but enough to be gross). If you're still reading, you'll see that my point is about to be: Feet hair hurts like a mofo if you leave socks on too long. Am I the only man to experience this? The pain of socks left on too long, and the weird discomfort that comes along from hair redirected too long in the wrong direction? And it's not like you can shave this hair. Oh no. Because, on a man, any shaved hair only gets angry and grows back blacker and more angry, vengeful even, until you are a wildebeast with straggly black fur all over your once soft body.

Is there any part of growing up that doesn't involve losing "soft"?

Anyways, now that we've gotten aquainted, I feel like I can tell you about my day, because it was damn good.

I awoke at the crack of 2 PM, the sun dimly misting through my curtains. I checked my phone and found 20 missed calls, all from Jessie and to the effect of, "Why the hell aren't you awake, you were supposed to come down to the South Side and have fun with me." I rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, and hopped in the car to catch the last our of the Soup Festival on the South Side, one of Pittsburgh's "cultural districts," i.e. where all the magic and pawn shops are. They have lots of tasty restaurants, including a Primanti's, and we had fun with her 'rents wandering the streets and getting free soup. I had a mushroom soup with truffle oil that was absolutely delicious, and only later did I try to imagine how one squeezes oil out of a fungus. Yick.

Jessie and I headed back to my place and I got cleaned up, showered and shaved my face. I wish there was some applause track I could carry around in my pocket, because every time I shave I feel like I should be congratulated, fussed over. I don't know if its because I feel like, by applying the foamy stuff, I'm getting dressed up, but afterwards I'm always disappointed if no one's around to feel my face and go, "Ooh, so smooth!"

We went to the store, bought some wine, bought some veggies. Tonight, Tooch and Jeep hosted a fab "W(h)ine and Cheese Party," with delish fondue and wine, and Jess and I ate about a half-pound of cheese each. Yum! It was gruyere and swiss, according to Tooch, and it was scrumptious on bread, apples, and anything else we could stir around in that pot. We drank whine, played a dirty game of "What the F*ck," and drank more whine. I'm still drinking, dammit, as evidenced by the above sketchy picture. I'm at Mom's house, tucked in the single bed, typing on her laptop like a little kid. She was sleeping on the couch when I came home, tuckered out after a hard day of work on the budget for her friend's business. I was very glad to see her.

Before we went to the party, Jess and I headed to Mt. Washington, which is the hill that overlooks Pittsburgh. It's got the best views of the city, the restaurants that line it aptly named the "Grandview Restaurants," and we rode the Incline down the hill and up and stood on the observation deck. We were standing in the snow, overlooking the foggy, snowy city, and Jessie surprised me with hot grilled cheese sandwiches, brownies, and hot cocoa. She looked so beautiful in the night, snowflakes in her soft, brown hair. She asked me to marry her. Started crying, and I held her, said "Yes," and we cried and laughed together in the snowflakes. I don't deserve her. She is amazing and beautiful and we've shared so much together it will take the rest of my life to try and write it down. I love this girl!!!

She loves her ring, btw. It's so sparkly it glows in the dark.

Anyways, a lot is changing for me. A lot is in motion. As the "Dude" would say, it's a very complicated case, a lot of layers. I've decided for the time being, I'm only going to focus on the ones that I can feel, that I can affect, and leave the rest to the Universe, to the Amorphous Deity who organizes things. What else can we do but trust to our heart, trust to our feelings?

I hope you're well. I miss you.

Yours always,
m