Summons from the Queen

If I had to pick four minutes of my life that I could do over, those four minutes would be really high on my list. In four minutes I managed to sabotage any chance of even THINKING about getting that job.

Yeah. About that.

You are not going to believe what I am about to tell you. Seriously. Stop reading now unless you are sitting down. In fact, I don't believe what I am about to tell you. But it is true. It is happening. It is real. You know that job interview I had on Monday? The one that I botched so badly they faxed my picture to all the other businesses in the area and told them not to hire me?

The VP called me tonight around 6:30. Her voice was warm. Inviting. She asked me to come and join their company. "The project managers and I had a meeting yesterday, and we all were very impressed by you. We want you to come and join our team."

I took a breath, and I was like, "Habbuh?"

"That is, if want it. You would start at X, which is a hell of a lot more than the $25,000 you asked for so you won't have to eat Ramen noodles[laughs]. You'll have full benefits, and you'll be working on a project regarding border patrol security. If you prove yourself in the early months, we shouldn't have any problem finding other projects for you."

"Come again?" At this point dinner was flirting with my esophagus, asking it if it wanted to threesome with the toilet.

"Come in on Tuesday at 9 AM. Ask for Tom. Oh, and Wednesday is our annual staff meeting. This sounds crazy, but come in a costume. As you can tell, we're not your average company. It's great fun. I usually come as a flapper girl. Looking forward to having you! Now go out with your fiancee and celebrate."

...

Okay. So.

I have a job. An amazing job. A job within walking distance. With full benefits. I'm getting paid to write. And write scripts. And supervise film productions. Script supervisor. For huge government contracts. Did I mention I can walk to work? All this, and all I could think of was, "What the hell am I going to tell the dog-walkers?"

...

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED.

I'm sick with shock and pleasure. I'm terrified. I'm nervous. I'm elated. I have no idea how any of this happened and am convinced they're going to realize I wasn't the guy with the shiny suit, I was the tool with no tie. "We thought you'd fit in really well here," she said. I WASN'T WEARING A TIE. DID YOU EVEN SEE MY LACK OF A TIE?

On top of that, Jessie is taking me to see a concert at the Kennedy Center tomorrow night that features only the music of John Williams. The first half is Schindler's List, Harry Potter, Jaws, etc... a waking dream. The second half is entirely Star Wars.

What. The. Hell. Whose life am I living?!?

So, I am fresh out of sarcasm. I've been completely robbed of significant dog-walking experience. I start on Tuesday at a job that will stretch me to my limit and also pay away my credit cards. And for some reason, I'm not totally freaking out yet.

Just. Wow.

More soon. Everything soon. The best soon. Martin can eat again!

Martin