Sucks or Swallows?

Oh shut up you're not really offended.

So the truth is I'm writing to you with two pairs of socks on and no shirt. My room is an easy 5 degrees warmer than the rest of my apartment, and apparently, even though it is like 0 outside, all I need are two pairs of socks and I'm good to go.

Is it wrong for a man to hum "I Feel Pretty"? [Ironically, these paragraphs are not related]. I know your instinctual answer is yes, and I know that because it is also my instinctual answer, even if I am perhaps the one doing the humming, but it's a good melody shut up. And it gets stuck in your head. And it is a good affirmation - she's not saying, "I feel pretty" in a hetero-normative, look-how-soft-my-breasts-are way; she is affirming that she feels comfortable and happy in her own skin, her heart and body aligned in love. What kind of person would speak out against that kind of inner harmony? I think we just learned a lot about you, didn't we.

I went to the football game tonight versus Cleveland with Scott, Brian, and their friend Dan. Aside from the amazing victory and the beer, the best part of the night was a shirt I saw a man wearing. On the front was written "Cleveland Sucks" but, not to be outdone, on the back was written, "Baltimore Swallows." Delicious. Though usually if someone swallows, doesn't it mean they like crazy love you? That is my interpretation but I, wisely I think, failed to mention this to said man, who was, after all, poking at a fire he had started on the asphalt of the parking lot. One must simply come to Pittsburgh and go to a game to really appreciate its subtleties.

For instance, if you are wearing a Steelers jersey on game night/day, you are instantly obligated to either bark, holler, or scream at any other group of people wearing jerseys (why do I keep wanting to spell it "jourseys?") and/or hats, no matter how sketchy or drunk or belligerent said group might be. Truth, I found this camaraderie to be strangely intimate, and I guess stuffing 55,000 people into a 44,000 person stadium requires a bit of love and patience on the part of the fans, so it's certainly not something I'm complaining about. Also, you are going to piss in a trough, so deal with it. I think what I'm really trying to say is I felt like a Pittsburgher tonight. It's a flannel city, a city of overalls and worn leather gloves, of hard hats and large beers and sandwiches with fries and coleslaw slathered all over them. We use words like "ayron city" and "dahntahn," and actually have a whole dialect dedicated to pronouncing words in a way that never requires us to actually close our mouths (did you know that Pittsburghese is referred to, in scholarly treatments, as a "west-midland dialect"?). Having grown up here, I find myself appreciating the city in a way I couldn't before - it's accessible without being overwhelming, clean, has a great skyline, good restaurants, some of the best sports names in history, it's safe, relatively affordable, not far from NYC or the east coast, etc... Some people can't wait to leave Pittsburgh, but I like it a lot. Definitely a good place to raise a family. I figure I'm going to go off, have a few adventures, see the world, and then come back when I'm ready and have kids.

Why do I feel like I just simultaneously described the plan for my life and "March of the Penguins"?

Anyways the game was great. Had a blast. I demanded that Bryan and Scott teach me how to talk man-speak so I wouldn't be an ass and say the wrong things (apparently asking for a fish sandwich at a football game is not kosher, unlike the foot-long "look how long my penis isn't" hot dog, which is kosher). I understand the basics of football. I know what the penalties mean, even have a bit of understanding in regards to strategy. But when it comes to how to act at said sport, or talk about said sport, I am a clueless babe naked in the woods with two pairs of socks on. Oh my titties it was cold out thar. I'm just now, five hours later, getting feeling back in my toes. We bundled, and we were still freezing our asses off.

I seriously need to get one of those Blackberries and keep a running blog of my life. Just, you know, take you with me and blog as things happen. I'll wait a couple days, and then be overwhelmed at the number of things I wanted to talk about that I didn't. For instance, Mat passed out at a movie theater and was in the hospital for four days (this could be, and should be, it's own post), my next-to-last semester is ending, etcetera. I hope you're all staying warm and getting ready for Christmas. I, for one, am glad to see some snow.

-m