Taurus the Bull

"Well, I got a Dodge Neon and a Ford Taurus."

So ended my rental-car fantasy. I chose the Taurus, if only because I have something personal against the Dodge Neon. I don't know why or for what, but man do I hate that car. The Taurus is blue - old man blue - and is built about as sturdy as this wet Kleenex that's hanging out of my nostril. It's chincy, cheap, and it makes the most annoying sounds you've ever heard.

No joke. Parking brake on? WAAAHWAAAHHHAHAHHWHAHA. Seat belt not on w/in 2 minutes? SCRREEEAM. You just want to hit it like an overbearing stepmother. I found myself talking to it as I was driving - "My your air conditioning is cold. Just feel the tips of my fingers" - I guess so far so good. The bad news is that the Honda needs some work - $500 worth of work - and seeing as I don't have $500 just lying around, I've been formulating a new plan. If I sold the Honda (and the T-Bird... almost.... there...), I could pay off my credit cards. Totally. Completely. Debt free, credit card wise.

Now here's the crazy part: With no monthly payment to make on my credit cards, I could afford new car payments.

I know what you're thinking. "But Martin," you'll say, "why would you replace your $5,000 debt with a $25,000 debt? Isn't that just multiplying the amount of money you'd owe to a creditor by five times?" To you I say, well, yes. I hadn't thought of it like that. Thank you very much for crushing my car-buying fantasy. Do you work at Enterprise Rent-A-Car? Enterprise Take-Your-Money-and-Give-You-a-Fucking-Taurus? You should apply. They think like you.

[dreamstealers]

I've been on edge this week. Snippy. Snarky. I felt so good this past weekend, so in-motion, so in-gear. Music always did give me a sense of direction. Playing a piece on the piano is like unwrapping a gift to yourself, your fingers with each stroke of the keys drawing the colorful veil back farther and farther back until you can see the corner, and you spend a few moments trying to guess where it's going, what's on the other side. With music you always know where you're headed. It's like a movie: At some point, this movie is going to end. Inevitability. Sweet inevitability. Beginnings and ends, and you standing above it all, making it all happen, the frithwebbe, the peaceweaver, weaving the songs together. Your hands take you there, keep you there, and you have to trust them to bring you back. At some point all the paper is gone, the bow stuck to your forehead, and all you have left is the gift you made for yourself.

Be joyful. Play for yourself, but be selfless with your music.

Martin