The Pirates of Aisle Fourteen

It's official. I hung all of the sconces. I live in Virginia now.

I am butt-pirating internet access until we can afford Verizon - the little antenna icon on Jessie's iBook is blipping from one bar to three out of what I can only assume is guilt (the network is ironically labeled "LeGal") - but I am connected, and holy crap, for a man who does not "work," I have been freaking busy.

I own a lot of things. Many of them are nice. Some are heavy. Most were unreasonably expensive. And Jessie, bless her, owns nearly as many. Also heavy. Also nice. And all have been moved up and down stairs, in and out of doorways, and from car to room to car for three. days. straight. If we had videotaped it and played it back really fast to the Benny Hill music, you would have some idea of how ridiculous the effort was, how ludicrously enormous. Tonight is the first night where I feel as though things are finally settling in. We've transformed, through an obscene amount of money and finger-breaking labor, a wholly uninspiring space into a cozy, homey, trendy, chic, snazzy, comfy little pad. When I first saw the place back in August, I wasn't exactly thrilled. It looked tiny and glum, a dank hobbit-hole buried above a flower shop. The only thing I liked about it were the bedrooms, and that little glimmer of hope was enough to convince me that maybe we could make something out of the space which, up until about two hours ago, was only a fool's hope.

To date:

i. Three trips to the Goodwill after they'd closed to illegally put donations outside the bin, including, but not limited to: clothing, that stupid color-lamp that would always fall apart when I moved it, a futon (after I had set it up and taken it apart again... elapsed time: 2 hours), a box full of dishes and glassware I inherited seven years ago, futon cushions, old sheets, old comforters, a casserole dish, etc...
ii. Four trips to Target to replace all the things we hauled to Goodwill: picture-hooks, a frigging carpet, comforters and bed sheets, wall-art, a universal remote, pillows, towels, candles, lamps, paper-towel dispenser, tumblers, wine glasses, deodorant, shave gel, a toothbrush, Swiffer sheets, curtains, curtain rods, table runner, salt-and-pepper shakers, toilet paper holder, magazine bin, cookie sheets, shower hooks and matching soap-dispenser, etcetera, etcetera, omigod there is more stuff to bring inside, etc...
iii. Three, as in the number of feet higher the two dumpsters that are not ours got after we heaved our trash into them.
iv. A kagillion dollars, i.e. the amount poorer we are now than when we started shopping three days ago.

And so on.

Even after all of that, it wasn't until tonight, as I surveyed the apartment, still cluttered but much warmer-looking, that I realized we'd done it. We made it into ours. Clumsily, sure, but like vines crawling over dead concrete, breaking it apart and filling it with green, so have we brought greens and yellows and blues and earth tones and the light of a thousand sconces (okay three) into the new apartment, and it looks great!!! As is never the case with us, we failed to take any before-and-after photos. I think we were so busy actually doing the thing that the thought of taking any time to document it seemed like a luxury we didn't have, but I will post photos of the aftermath, the color-coordinated aftermath, and you can see how neat the place looks!

Lots more to say, but there is a girl next to me not getting any more awake. Will write soon.

XO,
M