Give Me an I, K, or 8!

So, the iBook and the girlfriend are now sleeping dreamily in West Virginia. I'm typing to you on the equivalent of a typewriter, a 600MHz Celeron Dell Inspiron 3800 that used to be my sister's. Technically it still is hers, but I've got it on long-term loan.

Aside from a tiny 12" screen and 10GB hard drive (snazzy!), the only thing that's really kept me from using it is that this past April, in what can only be explained by supernatural phenomena, the K, I, and 8 keys ceased to work. At all. It seemed like something related to the sperm-killing temperatures: the laptop would get hot, K, I, and 8 ceased to exist, and then I'd turn it off and the next day it would be fine again. Until, of course, it wasn't fine and those letters/number didn't return.

At first I thought I could get by without them. I mean, really, how often do you use the number 8? I figured I could get around 'K' by spelling things with a 'C' and people would think I was linguistically dangerous and, therefore, virile. What really killed me, though, was 'I.' Metaphysical blow-your-mind philosophizing aside, this little letter is a bitch to go without. There were eleven I's in that last sentence alone, so there went any chance of working on the novel. The main character's name is Nione, so everytime I would write "Nione said," I would have to copy-and-paste 2 I's from things I'd already written before the Breaking of the Keyboard.

So, I thought the little laptop was pretty much done. I had the iBook over the summer to keep my fingers warm, never considering that this night would come, when the two things that made me smile the most over the summer would be sleeping sweetly two hours away. Enter the Inspiron. I dug it out of storage, fired her up, and lo and behold there are 26 letters in my alphabet again. Rock it, bitches. K, I, 8. It sounds like a spy agency or something.

So, long story short, I can write to you again. Sure, I know the two-night break probably scared most of you, but I is back. Literally.

In other news, I smoked my first and last cigarette last night. My friend Bill is in town from Philadelphia, taking a break from his gallavanting while his wife attends the family reunion in Ukraine, and frankly he is a terrible influence. He's a classical pianist, a damn good one, and an old friend. He's back for the week, so I invited him out last night to see my new place. The night air was cool, the windows were open, he was smoking like a tool, so instead of yelling at him I just asked for one, he lit it, and I puffed and coughed my way down West Liberty Ave.

Now the scary part, the part I didn't expect, the part that I'll share here in the privacy of the internet, is that contrary to everything I ever thought I would feel, I actually *liked* smoking. Sure, it dried out my mouth and felt like breathing in car exhaust, but I was holding fire, BREATHING fire. I felt like a dragon. I *was* fire. Because there's smoke in your lungs instead of oxygen, your whole body mellows out, softens up, finds a comfy chair, and now the road is less bumpy and the air feels good on the hairs of your arm and you just want to sit and not think and feel the blood flow through to your fingers and back. I can see why smoking makes people pensive, reflective, calm. I can see why they do it in bed after sex. I still don't understand why they want to do it in restaurants, but to each his own air.

Tonight ended with a Soul Caliber III romp with Luke, Mat, Margaret, and Thomas. We then followed it up with what is quite possibly the funniest two hours of television I've ever seen: The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner. We seriously laughed the entire time. If you don't believe me, perhaps this will change your mind: Betty White ('Rose' from the Golden Girls) was one of the roasters, and the things that came out of her mouth would make a dead nun blush. Find it. Watch it. Love it.

Also, Monday is half-price Margaret day, so if you have $5, a plow penis, and you like Jason Mraz, give her a call.

A beautiful night. The air is cool and clean on my skin. Lovely for sleeping.

-M